Wednesday, December 13, 2006

This ominous feeling

Today I have been having this feeling ... this nagging at the back of my head that keeps telling me that I really need to look at making a different career choice.

At my place of employment, there are some changes going on. One of those changes is a major one. Not to get into too many details, I will just throw these buzz words out there from which you draw your own conclusions: "reduction in cases being loaded into the federal queue," "repositioning/restaffing existing teams," "pilot project," and "offshoring."

This has been news around the virtual water cooler for a while now, but we are coming to the time when an assessment of the pilot project is going to be made. We have been informed that the restaffing is going to get another look in the middle of January. So this little job that I love to hate might very well be taken from me in the near future.

I don't want to be an attorney. I never have wanted to. I don't know if it is the sheer lack of faith that I have in myself, or the fact that I don't want to be lumped in with all those "other attorneys" when it comes to public perception of the profession. Working in this position has taught me a lot about that profession, too. It is cutthroat and not nice and one upsmanship all the time. I suppose it is like that everywhere else, too. But I don't want to subjectively submerge myself in that culture.

I want to make a difference. I think the post about Intern Town really started me thinking: did I choose wisely? Or did I choose what sounded "cool" at the time? The Knitting Maniac, Esquire. Yes. Sounds nice and prim and proper. But I also like the prefix of Dr. in front of my name, and I have that already.

So I have been on a few websites this afternoon, checking out their education programs.

There is something that is so "home" for me in a school. I am most positive it is because the Mominator is a retired high school English teacher and librarian. It is a profession that she has truly enjoyed her whole life, and one she never even thought twice about. She knew that was what she wanted to do.

And deep down inside, it is something I know I want, too.

I don't want elem. I want middle or high school, preferably middle school.

Call me crazy. Call me nuts. But it is something I have been craving for a very long time now.

And after reading Christi Thomas' blog this morning where her mother talks a lot about the experiences she has had as an educator, and the lovely little school that is 30 minutes from here, and really reading the true essence of how Christi lived her life up until her untimely death on September 19, it has made me step back and think long and hard about destiny and making choices and acting upon those decisions.

I need to do this. If I go more into debt, so be it. I am already over my head in law school loans as it is ... why not add more, right?

I am forever grateful for making the decision to go to law school because I would not have had this opportunity to raise my children on my own. But it is time for me to move on, to spread my wings, and do something that makes me happy in the long run.

Either that or I'll get two scoops of ice cream and call it a day.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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6:58 PM  
Blogger The "Mind" said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:28 PM  
Blogger The "Mind" said...

Hmm. You posted this on a night when I have finished classes. I have finally earned my degree and have vowed "no more school" (now I just have to apply for graduation).

Actually, that isn't completely correct. I would go back to school if our local college started up a programming degree (bonus, I know the teacher who would be in charge of most, if not all, classes...and she rocks). But programming. I feel that is my one true calling and I missed out on it due to reasons beyond my control.

Whoa, what? Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. You can't suppress a desire like that for long without hating yourself in the morning.

9:29 PM  
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8:56 PM  

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