Monday, December 11, 2006

Crazy family members

We all have them. Our family has a few (I am one of them, I fear), some of whom have already left their earthly bodies.

One of those crazies was my great Aunt Fern. She was a hoot and a half. There were days that she maddened us to no end, accosting any family member who happened to walk through her door when she needed something ... anything ... salad dressing, toilet tissue, or new pens.

Aunt Fern was a real gem. People like her don't come along too often, and I was very happy to have her in our family. She was my Dad's aunt, his mother's sister. Fern and Marie. They were as different as night is from day. Marie settled down with her sweetheart, popped out four kids (my Dad is a fraternal twin), and lived in the same small town.

Fern married a roughneck, went on vacation with her husband and his mistress (not knowing of the affair at the time, obviously), and learned how to fly an airplane. She had no kids, but she had us. She considered my Dad her son and she was so thankful for that relationship.

Fern had a monkey named Pedro. Pedro wore diapers. I never knew Pedro personally, but I heard stories. Many, many stories. Only Aunt Fern would have a pet monkey.

Aunt Fern then got T.C. Tough Cat, a Persian. In the height of his day, he was a regal looking cat. At the end of his days, he was scroungy and mean. There were times when he would be almost lifeless.

Grandma would come here to visit Aunt Fern for a week at a time. On one such visit, Grandma was cleaning up a little around Aunt Fern's condo.

She came upon T.C., who appeared to have met his demise. Grandma didn't want to upset her sister right away, so she decided to put T.C. in a trash bag, and put him in the garage until my father, who was coming over later that day, arrived so he could dispose of T.C.'s body out in the country on my Mom and Dad's property.

So Grandma goes and grabs a trashbag and gingerly picks the cat up and places him in his temporary resting place.

Grandma goes about her day, trying to decide when she is going to inform Fern that T.C. was no longer amongst the living.

Grandma didn't need to because T.C. decided to tell Grandma that he wasn't dead after all. About three hours of spending time in the trash bag, he decided to remove himself from it and walk into the kitchen.

Needless to say, Grandma almost met HER demise that afternoon when that cat walked in from the garage...


Anonymous Jenn said...

my sister always wanted a monkey when we were growing up. My mom never allowed it, but I still think it might be fun.

poor grandma, I would have just keeled over right then and there!

2:11 PM  
Anonymous maggie said...

OMG. That is too funny.

My grandparents had monkeys too. I didn't met the monkeys but I was told stories about Joe and Grace (named after my grandparents). She said they where disgusting creatures. Very Messy.

Still laughing about the "dead" cat.

3:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:07 AM  
Anonymous Tonya said...

Good thing she probably never read Pet Cemetary by Stephen King!

That is too funny!

11:15 PM  
Anonymous local girl said...

Congratulations on receiving the ROFL Award for Dec 2006 sponsored by Mommy Off The Record. This post was hilarious!

I can't seem to access my site right now (ugh!) but as soon as I can, I'll write a post announcing your award. I'll also try and get the html code for the cute little button.

Thanks again for all the laughs!

3:25 AM  
Blogger tiggerprr said...

I'm here from An Island Life, congratulations on your ROFL Award! Poor Grandma!

8:49 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Oh my! Too funny!
Here from An Island Life!

10:36 AM  
Blogger Mert said...

Heehee! I think I would have choked! great story, here from Island Life, congrats on your award :o)

3:45 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

poor poor Grandma! I am here from An Island Life :)

1:22 AM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

WOW you ALL!!! I am so honored and thank you, Local Girl, for the award!!! I am so honored!

6:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello! ;)
wow... what mad news!
what do you suppose about it?

1:19 PM  

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