Sunday, December 03, 2006

Trains and various states of undress

One of the redeeming qualities of our newspaper is the fact that it publishes a daily docket. And not only are the escapades of my town's criminals and derelects published for public embarassment but the newspaper has a writer that has a pretty good sense of humor.

Every once in a while, when the staff writers have writer's block, they reach into the bag of goodies that the docket produces.

This weekend, Ace was entertaining me with the entries, some of which I had heard before, which didn't make them any less funny.

So tonight, I share with you the antics of my townspeople, and the wit of some unknown docket writer.

A married couple in a car parked in the middle of a township road were found in an obvious state of extreme undress.

Not just "regular" undress, which would have been embarassing enough as it was.
Extreme undress.

A man was arrested for stealing a home pregnancy test and a shot glass from a store.

I almost wet my pants on this next one because I remembered hearing it the first time around, and almost wet myself then.

A husband who jumped onto his wife's lap in a kitchen chair was treated for a thigh injury because she had been holding a kitchen knife.

Now this dude, I totally feel sorry for. I mean, a noise violation is one thing. Publicly embarassing the dude about his poor taste in music... that is a whole new ballgame right there.

A man was cited for playing K.C. and the Sunshine Band must too loud on his stereo.

This guy had a hot night on the town planned...

A man was arrested for shoplifting whiskey, condoms, and cologne from a local store.

But the next two are the winners in my book:

A driver involved in a non-injury accident on railroad tracks said the train had swerved and hit her.

An intoxicated man staggering near North Main Street was asked by city police if he knew which street he was on. 'This one,' he replied.

So ... do you have a daily docket? And do you see some doozies in it?


Anonymous Robin said...

This was such a classic because we talk about the stupid docket and it's very talented writers everyday at work. I remember ALL of these and more..
sweet little town we live in!
AVON found..nevermind. Apoligize to her and tell her I will be sending a check out ASAP!
Miss you girlie..hope you are well. See you THURSDAY?!!!

6:41 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I landed here via Drama Queen's Mama's website... I also have toxic in-laws, so Ah Feel Youah Pain. Different flavor, same poison, sometimes.

As for the docket... we have two papers locally, a paid-for one which tends to behave itself, and a free one which is laugh-out-loud funny sometimes. Such as: "23-year-old Nick Branch arrested while trying to shoplift two tubes of lipstick, three bottles of nail polish, and a hair dryer from Walgreen's. He plans to plead 'not pretty.' "


9:13 PM  
Blogger Awesome Mom said...

We do but they are incredibly boring. Mostly possession of drugs and stuff like that. I keep reading in hopes of something funny but have been dissapointed.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Kristi said...

My husband is from your hometown and tells me tons of stories from the docket. Good old public shaming.

10:13 PM  
Anonymous SueFromOhio said...

One of the lovely words the courier also likes to use is the word "fracas". Keep your eyes peeled for that one...everytime it shows up in the dockey, I email my friend that there has been another "fracas" in town...BHAAHAAA

I like the occasionaly, "a man was find asleep with his car running at a stop sign..." and was charged while "driving while intoxicated"...those are classics too!

Have a good one...

10:23 PM  
Blogger jedimerc said...

Extreme undress?... perhaps the proofreader was seeing how many people would catch that :)

It's a miracle the world hasn't imploded from the just flat-out stupid things we (as a people) do... perhaps sentience is overrated.

2:09 AM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

Jedimerc... people will always be people, won't they, no matter how much we convince ourselves that we have evolved.

6:26 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

love the new look. I'm trying to catch up so you get one big fat comment again.

I love the new knitting project and think you should make yourself one as soon as possible.

Hope you got the computer all fixed and that you don't have any more power problems.

I don't subscribe to the paper, but next time I get one for the ads I'll have to look.

Also, I'm doing the meme you tagged me for today. Even though it was WEEKS ago, sorry!!

2:12 PM  
Anonymous Tonya said...

You need to post more of these. Our docket is b-o-r-i-n-g, so we miss all the good ones like you have. I better be careful the next time I'm at the railroad tracks. I might get hit by a swerving train!

Love the new look. I'm assuming everything is okay in computerland since you've been posting.

I think I'm caught up on comments now. :)

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I've blogged about ours before. I think the most classic one was the case of the missing cookie dough.

Ooh, yep, I did.

But there are some stupid ones that merely say something like:

11:20 p.m. Someone walking on sidewalk

Uh, isn't that what you are supposed to do on a sidewalk? Now if he was peeing on it, maybe it's worth a call to the cops. LOL!

6:21 PM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

Ah yes... the case of the missing cookie dough. Someone had some serious baking to do that day!

Somehow, our's resonates with condoms and alcohol.

That pretty much sums up life here in this small town.

7:05 PM  

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