Sunday, August 19, 2007

As if he could endear himself ANYmore to me

It is no hidden secret: I have a crush on my doctor.

Yes. THE doctor.

There is just something so ... geeky ... and confident about him.

There is nothing sexier than geeky confidence to me.

Maybe that was what attracted me to Ace 17 plus years ago....

Friday was THE day. The DREADED day.

Cortisone shot day.

It started off like any other. I tried to push the shot back into the deep recesses of my mind. I succeeded for a while.

The Mominator had compounded the problem Wednesday night with this conversation:

Ring ring ...

Hello?

Hey... what are you doing?

Working. What are you doing?

Well, your sister and I were talking about this shot ....

Now let me insert into this conversation this observation: if you are contemplating or are getting ready to have some medical procedure done, if the Godfather music rings on your cell phone, don't answer it. Not only is the tone ominous, but so will the ensuing conversation be. Because SOMEone SOMEwhere has been doing some thinking ... some horrid thinking ... of everything that could POSSIBLY go wrong with a medical procedure.

This is what had the Mominator so freaked out:

She was afraid that my doctor, Dr. McGeekybutwithalotofconfidence, would have NO idea where to inject this shot.

She thought that Dr. McGeekybutwithalotofconfidencethatmakeshimsexierthanhe&& had no concept of human anatomy.

She thought that Dr.McGeeky was going to "put this shot in the already compromised hip joint" and was going to cripple me for life.

Ok. See that "flaming red" area. That is the bursa sac that covers the femur. That is what has been inflamed on me. That LITTLE thing is what has caused me a great many day of pain. It has caused me to walk completely different, to the point of now having to retrain my muscles to work in the correct manner.

Ok ... move up a little bit. See there in the middle ... up above the femur. The hip joint.

This is where my mother, the woman who knows absolutely NOTHING about anatomy, the woman who, during Jeopardy screamed out "JEEBIE!" to the question "He Bee" (that was DRONE, mother), the woman who called the 80s boy band Medudo, the woman who thought that she smelled the grapes in the grape arbors that we were passing in New York, with the windows completely rolled up, when, in fact, it was my grape Bubble Yum gum .... oh where was I? Oh yea ... this is where my mother thinks that Dr. McGeeky is going to inject this shot.

She exclaimed that she was going to ask my father about it (my Dad, as you might remember ... or you don't remember ... but just ... remember, ok? was a mortician). And my Dad made the unfortunate decision of coming home. Right then.

I'll talk to you later. Click.

I didn't hear another word from the woman until she came over to watch the kids, and only then she said "good luck."

When the nurse came in with the first shot, I about fainted. It was huge. I thought she was planning on shooting a horse with it. Dr. McGeeky said "oh no ... not that one. I need the (insert dr. jargon here) needle."

I didn't look at that needle. Because that was when I had to drop my drawers.

Did I mention yet that I had totally forgotten about the underwear factor when I got ready that morning? And it wasn't until I was getting ready for bed that night that I realized I almost chose the HORRID looking underwear, but instead grabbed the second most horrid looking pair that didn't have any holes in them.

I pulled my pants down, he put a paper drape over me, and he told me I would feel a big bee sting.

This man ... works wonders with a needle. Because that bee sting felt like a pinch, and I felt the sensation of him moving the needle around. That. Was. It.

It was a wonderful experience. I was expecting to be in excrutiating pain, but I wasn't.

I was glad that Ace had taken me (he didn't go into the inner sanctum of the exam room ... I will tell later of Ace's foray into the world of epidurals) because I felt a little "funky" on the way home.

Yesterday, it was a little touch and go. I was still feeling the stiffness. But Doc told me that I wouldn't feel the full effects of the cortisone until today.

And boy do I. I am no longer hobbling around like some geriatric patient.

So this is why I have MORE of a crush on McGeeky ... he pulled my pants down, looked at my ugly underwear, bragged to his nurse about my singing ability, and he didn't hurt me. What more could you ask for in a man?

Oh yeah... and he made the Mominator look like an idiot.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Robin said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better! Am I going to see you doing jumping jacks in your window tomorrow when I am at work?
ha ha!
How was your ice cream the other night?

8:33 PM  
Blogger The "Mind" said...

He bee jeebie? Medudo? Oh man, the Mominator cracks me up.

Glad you are feeling better. My dentist is like that shots. He's worth the big bucks just for that factor alone.

Dude, and just so you know, when I was on my way to Mexico, my parents sat me down and gave me the lecture on not going anywhere with anyone I didn't know, staying in a group, yadda yadda yadda. Uh. Cripes! I'm 36 yrs old and went with 9 other people in one vehicle. Where did they think I was going? *rolling eyes*

8:41 PM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

Robin, the ice cream THAT day was good. I will have to tell you about the ice cream the other day that I dunped in the Wal Mart bag because the Queen was mouthy.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

Hurray for feeling better! Hurray for no more pain.! Hurray for doctors we have crushes on.

My mom is similar to yours, ugh.

9:15 AM  

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The Lovely She, that is me!

I'm a mom of three peeps ... Queen Bee, The Door Man, and the Chandelier Monkey, and wife to Ace, the Helpful Hardware Man. I created this space to get away from the people known as my inlaws, and because life with three kids and a hubby is all Unexplored Territory.

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