Unexplored Territory

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here)

FEMA:
Thanks a WHOLE helluvalot for that $ 199.99. That will take us far, you buttwipes.

Duane, the flood insurance adjuster dude:
Just exactly WHAT do you want and need from us? You ask for a basment estimate. We give it to you. You tell me that you can't approve that, and you will need to call out a structural engineer. You know what I think? I think you KNEW that you were going to deny it the first time out, unless the estimate came in at $ 40.00 for 10 boxes of Bandaids that we would just put up on the all of the cracks in the basment walls.

And when you say things to me like "maybe I need to oversimplify this for you," you better count your lucky stars that there is one whole state between you and I. Because I guarantee you that if you were holed up in some hotel somewhere in this town, I would hunt you down and let out all of the air in your truck tires, and scratch "I still live with my mother" in the paint of your truck.

Smart choice in calling MY HUSBAND back when you needed to discuss the apparent "miscommunication" between myself and you. Don't even think about calling ME to talk to ME about this alleged miscommunication. Because you know what? I never miscommunicate. I listen and I actually have a brain that processes that information that I take in. If you think that I am some ditz of a woman who can't formulate a sentence without looking to her husband for guidance, you have another thing coming.

You better pony up the money that is needed to place us back in the same position we were in before this flood. Because I sure as heck know that I had a furnace and an air conditioner that actually worked before the water entered my basement, and I also know that it wasn't quite so bare down there.

My fellow city residents:
If you don't have anything nice to say in the newspaper, don't say anything at all. Thank you to the gentleman who wrote in his scathing letter to the editor regarding the people who should be "taking care of themselves" and purchasing flood insurance, and not relying on the federal government to bail them out. Guess what? Those people didn't call in FEMA. The river called FEMA in after the channels were followed and all the paperwork was submitted. If FEMA is there for people, then let them ask for the assistance.

Because that $ 199.99 is taking me all the way back to a house that is going to be fully repaired.

Labels: FEMA, flooding

3 Comments:

Anonymous said...: I would have told them to take that 199.00 and shove it you know where!
Give me a BREAK!!
Part of that is our lovely city and the absence of building codes..
Thanks so much, thanks for nothing!!!; 7:25 AM
Taoknitter said...: HOLY COW!!! What a time you have had!!! Stunning in its stupidity. I am thinking of you and sending good vibes...and the FEMA dude a good, painful, itchy case of...; 8:02 PM
Knitting Maniac said...: Yep... very stunning in its stupidity.; 9:10 PM

Post a Comment

<< Home

I'm a mom of three peeps ... Queen Bee, The Door Man, and the Chandelier Monkey, and wife to Ace, the Helpful Hardware Man. I created this space to get away from the people known as my inlaws, and because life with three kids and a hubby is all Unexplored Territory.

The nine-year-old who seems to be growing older every minute, has an opinion and a comment for everything, and has a true servant's heart.

The seven-year-old who loves the organization of things, will someday be someone's therapist because of his kind soul, and will more than likely be living with us until he is 40 years old.

The five-year-old with the 13-year-old attitude, who has a dictator's personality, asks you to watch her all the time and say "hold on" to keep your attention, and will someday come home on the back of some dude's motorcycle with 10 tatts and a body piercing or two.

The man of the house, the fixer of things, the winner of prizes, and the only person in his family to escape the South.