Unexplored Territory

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

In need of Extreme Makeover:Home Edition

Do you think it would be bad to "rent" a family who is in need, or pay actors to play us so we could get a brand-spanking new house?

Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind. I would LOVE to get a brand new house. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not being all un-PC about this. I do know that the people who get on that show have real life struggles and trials. They have paid their dues, and then some. They DO deserve to get a new house.

But how about a show that builds new houses for those of us who are decorationally challenged? I think that sounds like a plausible reason, don't you?

Take my house, for example. I am not the best housekeeper. Never have been, never will be. I need someone to build me a George Jetson house, complete with pushbuttons and voice activated cleaning products that just zip out of the walls, do their job, and zip back in the walls.

I am also not the next Martha Stewart. My sister has more style in her little pinky than I have if I cloned myself 20 times. She comes over and looks around, saying things like "you know what would look really cute here?" or "you need a valance in that bathroom" or "have you decided on a wall color yet?" She means well, really, but when you have mini-Martha coming in and making these suggestions, when you don't even remember if you wiped your child's butt when they went to the bathroom two minutes ago, does she really THINK that I care about the decor.

But now I am getting to a point in my life where I do care. I want to get rid of this carpet. I want something new, something fresh.

So I want a new house.

I am holding open auditions next week for people to play my family.

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I'm a mom of three peeps ... Queen Bee, The Door Man, and the Chandelier Monkey, and wife to Ace, the Helpful Hardware Man. I created this space to get away from the people known as my inlaws, and because life with three kids and a hubby is all Unexplored Territory.

The nine-year-old who seems to be growing older every minute, has an opinion and a comment for everything, and has a true servant's heart.

The seven-year-old who loves the organization of things, will someday be someone's therapist because of his kind soul, and will more than likely be living with us until he is 40 years old.

The five-year-old with the 13-year-old attitude, who has a dictator's personality, asks you to watch her all the time and say "hold on" to keep your attention, and will someday come home on the back of some dude's motorcycle with 10 tatts and a body piercing or two.

The man of the house, the fixer of things, the winner of prizes, and the only person in his family to escape the South.