Sunday, June 18, 2006
Baptizing the bathroom
What they didn't tell me was in my future were times of urine soaked socks as I trapsed into the bathroom after the Door Man had used the facility.
"What the HELL is this on the floor?" I exclaimed loudly.
"Oh yeah... the Man seems to have a problem with hitting the toilet" explained Ace.
"THIS is why I told you NOT to teach him how to pee standing up!" I shouted back.
"Well, he can't SIT like a ....a ... GIRL, you know!!!" Ace yelled back.
"Sure he can. He screams like one, let him sit like one!"
Thinking that this was a "phase" that we had to overcome (because you know, my DAD doesn't pee on the floor, and neither does Ace), I would spray the floor with disinfectant, vowing to make the Door Man clean up after himself after this.
If you have ever seen the Door Man in action, no way would you put bathroom cleanser in his hands, telling him to spray the pee. So that didn't work.
After months of dealing with this, I decided to follow the Man into the bathroom on one of his visits.
"What are you doing, Mommy?"
"Nothing. Go about your business."
The Door Man pulls his pants down, assumes the position, starts to pee, and then TURNS AROUND to ask me why I was standing behind him. Pee sprayed in all directions as he was carrying on his one-sided conversation with me.
So I decided that the key was to not offer any distractions to the Door Man when he peed. That didn't help. He carried on conversations with his imaginary friends when he didn't have anyone else to talk to.
The other day, I heard the noises of a hand-held game that Ace uses to cajole his bodily functions to occur. I wondered who was playing with it, and decided that I should go check.
Sure enough, there is the Door Man doing his business with the game in BOTH hands, and he is pushing all the buttons on it, exclaiming "look at me! I'm peeing AND playing a game at the same time!"
I just hope that I have this boy trained by the time I have to turn him over to his future wife. If not, I will be sure to give her a roll of paper towels, some Scrubbing Bubbles, and a lifetime supply of flip flops to wear into the bathroom. She won't understand at first, but she will.
I'm a mom of three peeps ... Queen Bee, The Door Man, and the Chandelier Monkey, and wife to Ace, the Helpful Hardware Man. I created this space to get away from the people known as my inlaws, and because life with three kids and a hubby is all Unexplored Territory.
.....light the corner of my mind ....