Thursday, December 07, 2006

Calgon, take me away

7:15 a.m.: Child # 3 enters bedroom; exclaims she has lots of boom booms; surveillance of the situation reveals large amounts of Krazy Glue on fingers; observe toes; three fake toenails (yes ... they make them) applied upside down on foot (because they looked right-side up when she applied them); observe large amounts of glue in between toes.

7:20 a.m.: Child # 3 and I spend large sum of time (30 minutes) pouring Goof Off on toenails; hoping that nasty, smelly liquid doesn't (1) peel the skin off child's toes, (2) cause a flare-up in child's asthma, or (3) poison child.

7:45 a.m.: Child # 2 emerges from room; instantly wants breakfast; told to stand in line to receive maternal attention; # 2 sulks off into living room to parental unit # 3, the television.

7:47 a.m.: Extraction of fake toenails is completed; child # 3 starts crying because she can't have child # 1's fake fingernails on the counter.

8:00 a.m.: Child # 1 comes out of room wearing same shirt she wore to school yesterday; argument ensues about shirt mother chooses; mother wins... for now.

8:08 a.m.: Phone rings; the Mominator wants to talk for a few minutes; arguments between all three children ensue; end phone conversation abruptly.

8:10 a.m.: Child # 1 is sitting on the loveseat applying aforementioned fake nails; inform child that she will indeed miss the 8:14 bus; child looks surprised and feigns an attempt at getting up and putting on coat; leave living room and later convinced that child sat back down and continued to apply fake nails.

8:14 a.m.: Bus pulls up outside and waits; wave bus on; bus leaves; child # 1 feigns remorse about missing bus.

8:28 a.m.: Decide that it is high time to get child # 3 ready for preschool; child decides that the best outfit of choice is a floatation swimsuit; try to convince child that swimming is out in this 20 degree weather; child doesn't seem too convinced as she runs away; child is captured and placed in the Naughty Corner for not listening to her mother's pleas to come get ready for school; discuss with child the importance of listening to her mother the first time that something is asked of her.

8:30 a.m.: Ask child # 2 to find some shoes; child does not want to leave his dry erase board project of writing the day of the week and the date; take marker from child and ask him to find shoes; child cries out and refuses to look for shoes; child is placed in the Naughty Corner after # 3 leaves it.

8:38 a.m.: Locate child # 2's shoes; place them on child's feet; repeat same discussion with child that was discussed with child # 3 ten minutes earlier.

8:52 a.m.: Ready children to leave the house to drop not one, but TWO children off at school; child # 1 asks if she will be dropped off first because if she isn't, she will be late to school; contemplate making child late to school to drop child # 3 off at preschool first; decide that # 1's school is closer so she will go first.

8:56 a.m.: Drop child # 1 off at school.

9:15 a.m.: Drop child # 3 off at school.

9:18 a.m.: Declare to child # 2 that Mommy is taking a shower as soon as we arrive home.

9:28 a.m.: Arrive home; proceed to check work email; surf Thursday 13s; waste time at computer.

9:50 a.m.: Call in on local AM station to register for a Christmas present giveaway.

10:10 a.m.: Friend Jacque calls; discuss the trials of stay at home momhood; the Mominator walks in; end phone conversation.

10:20 a.m.: Mominator offers a reprieve; jump in shower; ready myself for the day.

The rest of the day was uneventful until....

4:22 p.m.: After not seeing child # 3 even though child # 2 had gone in and opened the door to her room to wake her up, take matter into own hands; walk in room; smell something; see something on pillow ... and on child ... and all over bed.

4:22 p.m.: Call husband at work to ask him if he could pick up child # 1 from Brownies at school; re-enter smelly room; remove sheets; Febreeze the air; throw sheets and pillow down basement stairs to be dealt with later; set child # 3 up in our bedroom with crackers and apple juice; pray that this is a one time deal.

4:30 p.m.: Call Poison Control to make sure that child # 3 hasn't been poisoned by the Goof Off seeping into her skin from her toes; concerned that PC representative has taken down names, phone number, and zip code; waiting for call from friend Robin with a head's up that Children's Services will be knocking on the door in the near future.

5:41 p.m.: Leave for Sterling to get meet child # 3's hankering for Lucky Charms; pray that won't be the wrong decision later.


Anonymous Jacque said...

oh my goodnes!!! Bless your heart. I hope you don't have the terrible puke thing visit your family. CALL if you need anything!

7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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8:48 PM  
Blogger jedimerc said...

whoa... I've seen days like this when my three younger siblings were about that age and as I was adultish at the time, I had to usually intervene and/or calm the situation down or generally save my parents from the mayhem... now, I get to watch them prepare to propagate and fear (the youngest already has a daughter and I have numerous second cousins... I'm just going to remain the eccentric uncle :)

12:13 AM  
Blogger Samantha said...

Kailani (Local Girl) reccommended that I visit you :) She's one of my very good bloggy buddies, so I figured her advice was legit! I have been here reading for a little while now and I'm really enjoying it! I'll definetely be back :)

6:49 AM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

Thanks, Samantha!

Jedimerc ... let me tell you ... my niece is getting ready to have a baby ... my sister is the hugest enabler on this planet and I am waiting to see the traditions continue down the line.

6:55 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

Wow... I think you might need more than Calgon! Here's hoping for a better day!

7:56 AM  
Blogger Jenmomof4 said...

What a day!! I hope it gets better!!!

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man. I hope that the mess was a one-timer, too.

Oh, and PC will call you back to check on the status of the child. And your child has just become a statistic for their database.

Hope all is well today.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

DUDE! Is that where he works, Sue!?!??!? Oh man.... did he say that he talked to the crazy lady yesterday?!?!?!? LOL!

10:18 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

you had quite the day didn't you? Hope child #3 is feeling better soon.

12:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh. No. LOL! By PC I meant Poison Control, not Pman.

Reason I know this is because the daughter of a friend of mine thought the mom's Correctall were pink M&Ms. So the friend called up PC (Poison Control) and blah blah blah. But they took her information and the next day they called back to make sure that her daughter didn't have any problems.

Pman, well, he makes garbage. In fact, they did a blurb on the Today Show about clam-shell packaging on stuff. That is what he makes...clam-shell packaging.

So as you are opening up the kids stuff on Christmas morning while they want you to hurry up, you can curse Pman under your breath.

1:56 PM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

Dude... I didn't even pay attention that you said PC. I thought you said Pman! Sorry!

Yes... I already curse him ... ;)

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Tonya said...

Honey, you need 4 hours with Calgon, candles and a drink. Or multiple drinks.

Bless your heart!

4:57 PM  
Blogger Lady E said...

Is it the moon? My kid was in on the "naughty step" all night tonight. It is 8:53pm and all is quiet, finally. Hopefully your kiddo isn't sick all night.

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