Thursday, December 07, 2006
Calgon, take me away
7:20 a.m.: Child # 3 and I spend large sum of time (30 minutes) pouring Goof Off on toenails; hoping that nasty, smelly liquid doesn't (1) peel the skin off child's toes, (2) cause a flare-up in child's asthma, or (3) poison child.
7:45 a.m.: Child # 2 emerges from room; instantly wants breakfast; told to stand in line to receive maternal attention; # 2 sulks off into living room to parental unit # 3, the television.
7:47 a.m.: Extraction of fake toenails is completed; child # 3 starts crying because she can't have child # 1's fake fingernails on the counter.
8:00 a.m.: Child # 1 comes out of room wearing same shirt she wore to school yesterday; argument ensues about shirt mother chooses; mother wins... for now.
8:08 a.m.: Phone rings; the Mominator wants to talk for a few minutes; arguments between all three children ensue; end phone conversation abruptly.
8:10 a.m.: Child # 1 is sitting on the loveseat applying aforementioned fake nails; inform child that she will indeed miss the 8:14 bus; child looks surprised and feigns an attempt at getting up and putting on coat; leave living room and later convinced that child sat back down and continued to apply fake nails.
8:14 a.m.: Bus pulls up outside and waits; wave bus on; bus leaves; child # 1 feigns remorse about missing bus.
8:28 a.m.: Decide that it is high time to get child # 3 ready for preschool; child decides that the best outfit of choice is a floatation swimsuit; try to convince child that swimming is out in this 20 degree weather; child doesn't seem too convinced as she runs away; child is captured and placed in the Naughty Corner for not listening to her mother's pleas to come get ready for school; discuss with child the importance of listening to her mother the first time that something is asked of her.
8:30 a.m.: Ask child # 2 to find some shoes; child does not want to leave his dry erase board project of writing the day of the week and the date; take marker from child and ask him to find shoes; child cries out and refuses to look for shoes; child is placed in the Naughty Corner after # 3 leaves it.
8:38 a.m.: Locate child # 2's shoes; place them on child's feet; repeat same discussion with child that was discussed with child # 3 ten minutes earlier.
8:52 a.m.: Ready children to leave the house to drop not one, but TWO children off at school; child # 1 asks if she will be dropped off first because if she isn't, she will be late to school; contemplate making child late to school to drop child # 3 off at preschool first; decide that # 1's school is closer so she will go first.
8:56 a.m.: Drop child # 1 off at school.
9:15 a.m.: Drop child # 3 off at school.
9:18 a.m.: Declare to child # 2 that Mommy is taking a shower as soon as we arrive home.
9:28 a.m.: Arrive home; proceed to check work email; surf Thursday 13s; waste time at computer.
9:50 a.m.: Call in on local AM station to register for a Christmas present giveaway.
10:10 a.m.: Friend Jacque calls; discuss the trials of stay at home momhood; the Mominator walks in; end phone conversation.
10:20 a.m.: Mominator offers a reprieve; jump in shower; ready myself for the day.
The rest of the day was uneventful until....
4:22 p.m.: After not seeing child # 3 even though child # 2 had gone in and opened the door to her room to wake her up, take matter into own hands; walk in room; smell something; see something on pillow ... and on child ... and all over bed.
4:22 p.m.: Call husband at work to ask him if he could pick up child # 1 from Brownies at school; re-enter smelly room; remove sheets; Febreeze the air; throw sheets and pillow down basement stairs to be dealt with later; set child # 3 up in our bedroom with crackers and apple juice; pray that this is a one time deal.
4:30 p.m.: Call Poison Control to make sure that child # 3 hasn't been poisoned by the Goof Off seeping into her skin from her toes; concerned that PC representative has taken down names, phone number, and zip code; waiting for call from friend Robin with a head's up that Children's Services will be knocking on the door in the near future.
5:41 p.m.: Leave for Sterling to get meet child # 3's hankering for Lucky Charms; pray that won't be the wrong decision later.
I'm a mom of three peeps ... Queen Bee, The Door Man, and the Chandelier Monkey, and wife to Ace, the Helpful Hardware Man. I created this space to get away from the people known as my inlaws, and because life with three kids and a hubby is all Unexplored Territory.
One more day...