Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Do you notice a theme here?

Ok. The birth of my nephew has brought back a lot of memories for me, some of them not so good. My niece's inlaws are ... well ... interesting, to say the least. Her MIL is a meddling individual who I could have locked in a room for about 10 hours during the labor portion of the day, just to get her to (1) shut up and (2) to get her to stop meddling. EVERYthing was a comparison to what her daughter went through two months before.

Well, when Tara was here, she blah blah blah.

Well, when Tara delivered, she was in this same room.

Well, when Tara was in labor, blah blah blah.

One can only take SO much of that kind of conversation.

And when my niece was wheeled back into recovery after her section, my sister kept trying to get people out of the room. But my niece's husband wouldn't listen, and neither would his family. So the husband stood in the room, holding the baby, and my sister was monitoring the whole situation. She could see that the MIL was getting antsy to hold the baby, and then my sister stepped in.

She asked her daughter if SHE had had the chance to hold the baby. And she hadn't. And then she dozed off to sleep.

The MIL's comment: Well then, I guess noone gets to hold the baby.

Damn straight, woman.

When my children were born, my mother steered clear of the hospitals, but my sister and my niece were there. They were very non-obtrusive.

When the Queen was born, I was in labor most of the day, and then Ace called his parents. They were only one hour away, so they hopped right in their car and came over.

And they stayed. And stayed. And when the Queen was born and had a rough start to life, they stayed. I was taken to my room at about 2 in the morning, was poked and prodded for most of the night, got little to no sleep, and my inlaws went home.

They were back. At 8 in the morning. With no forewarning that they were coming.

They stayed ALL DAY LONG. They didn't go home until 10:30 that night. And they were in MY room. Don' t mind me. I just shoved a 9 pound 9 ouncer out of my body.

They were back the next day. Bright and early. They walked in no sooner than I had gotten dressed from my shower. And they came with reinforcements, Ace's uncle and aunt. They were there ALL day long.

They were back the next day when the Queen was released to pediatrics, and we were set up in a room across the hallway to live in with her.

I finally had to encourage Ace to kick them out. And their nose was out of joint. We didn't hear from them for a while, and it really didn't bother me all that much.

When the Man was born, we set boundaries. We told them (and MY family) that we were limited visitation, because I was going to give nursing a try. I didn't want to have my boob hanging out, and some family member walking in.

Well, you can well imagine that that concept went over like a lead balloon.

They stopped speaking to us for two weeks. When they finally did speak to us, it was only to tell us that they were going straight up to Toledo just for the birth, and then they were heading home. All because they couldn't have their way.

On the day before delivery, they drove straight through our town and didn't even stop to see their first grandchild. Classy.

I saw my FIL once on the day of delivery: right after the Man was born. He stopped in, my MIL took a look at the Man, my FIL glanced at him, and uttered NO words to me. No congratulations. No how are you? No NOTHING.

And then they left to go back to Kentucky.

A few weeks later, I got into a shouting match on the phone with my FIL. And to this day, I don't think they have ever seen the error of their actions. To them, they were justified in this pissy, childish fit. To this day, I still cannot believe they acted the way they did.

So when I witnessed the actions and interactions this weekend with my niece's family, I realized that when people become inlaws and grandparents, all bets are off on any kind of realistic human behavior.


Anonymous Jacque said...

My MIL came to the house with both boys...when I was first home with them. All I can say is when you've just been through labor and you're getting to know this brand new little one, you don't want your MIL bumping into to you in the hallway at 3:00 am!!!! I would have been fine with my mom but I mean really. So while I love to get my hands on a baby, I'm believe I'm done!!! I know I don't have the energy to start over again.

8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can see how that would be incredibly annoying and bring back your own memories.

I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with that type of thing.

When Dreaded Teenager was born, my parents drove down (to Kentucky, LOL) and stayed for a week. I was glad they were there, exhole, not so much, but truthfully, his opinion did not matter because he was little to no help anyway.

Fortunately his family stayed away, far away. And even when Doodlebug was born, they stayed away. Mom would stop by with dinner each night the first week and ex-inlaws never stopped by. It was definitely okay with me.

9:50 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

My MIL insited on being present for the birth of my first child. To her credit, she stayed out of the way, opting to sit on the sofa in the birthing room and watch. To this day, I think of her as Johnny Bench and, that's not a compliment.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

Sorry about the double post. Blogger hates me. The feeling, it is MUTUAL.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

Johnny Bench! Classic!

1:00 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

oh wow,
I only allowed 4 people into the delivery room when I was going through all of this. my hubby, my mom, my MIL and my SIL. However I made it very clear from the beginning that they would only be allowed there for the delivery, nothing else.

They were all really good about it. Thankfully I didn't have any problems, but I sure thought I would.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Elleoz said...

I have a similar story. With my Drama Queen when she was born at 12:36 pm there was a room full of people. Those people hung around until 11 pm that night. Never mind that I was trying to nurse and exhausted after 18 hours of labor. There was someone there nonstop until I went home. And then there were constantly people there for weeks after we brought her home.

When WildMan was born, I specifically told everyone that they were more than welcome to visit, but that I didn't want a room full of people all day for three days.

Boy did that sort of backfire. I spent 95% of my time alone in the room with my little man. But I wasn't complaining one bit. :)

1:47 PM  
Blogger Sparky Duck said...

as they get older, they just get screwier and screwier I guess

4:47 PM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

Some people love to have lots of people visiting after they've given birth. Not me, I liked it quiet. We told everyone our plans to keep visitors to a minimum. We were lucky, everyone agreed without getting upset. So sorry to hear you didn't luck out the way I did. You have absolutely every right to tell people to go, or only come at such and such time.

4:50 PM  

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The Lovely She, that is me!

I'm a mom of three peeps ... Queen Bee, The Door Man, and the Chandelier Monkey, and wife to Ace, the Helpful Hardware Man. I created this space to get away from the people known as my inlaws, and because life with three kids and a hubby is all Unexplored Territory.

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