Saturday, August 05, 2006
Ace has been practicing his hooping and hollering. He's been practicing his redneck accent. He has the crotch adjustment and farmer's kleenex method down pat. So watch out, NASCAR fans, Ace will be in Indy tomorrow!
And this got me to thinking. How much redneck do you have in you.
You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. This is my BIL. In fact, my BIL is doing his own taxidermy now.
The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. I will be the first to admit: I love me some Wal Mart. You don't have to worry about yelling for your spouse across the store. You just have to be careful that you call him by his Christian name.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner. Dudes ... this is SOOOO my Dad. And now the Door Man has been initiated into the finger pulling hall of fame.
Down where you come from reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries. Yeah. Both Ace and I watched Hee Haw. All the time.
But the biggest sign that you might be a redneck is this story from our local newspaper, which was covering the regional Antique Machinery Show (names removed to protect the rednecks).
But if you want a real orange experience, be in the fairground's north grandstand at 5:30 p.m. today. That's when YYYY YYYY and XXX XXXXX will be married in a ceremony that features the traditional wedding color of ... orange (this is the color of Allis-Chalmers, a tractor). The wedding will include groomsmen riding in on tractors, ring bearers riding on a homemade wagon, and the wedding couple exiting the ceremony on a customized two-seat 1934 WC model A-C tractor.
I'm a mom of three peeps ... Queen Bee, The Door Man, and the Chandelier Monkey, and wife to Ace, the Helpful Hardware Man. I created this space to get away from the people known as my inlaws, and because life with three kids and a hubby is all Unexplored Territory.
The answer to the $ 900 question