Sunday, June 25, 2006

Nightmares abound

Five Appropriate Topics for Sermons During a Family Service (AKA Where they torture parents and don't offer kids Sunday School classes during service)

  1. Noah. Nothing can really go wrong with talking about a man who saved mankind and the animals because ... you know .. we all love mankind and animals.
  2. Moses. He gave us the 10 Commandments. Kids might not like them, but we parents sure do, especially that "honor thy father and thy mother" entry. Right on!
  3. Jesus. Really, he should be number one, and the Lutheran part of me feels guilty for not putting him first. But I am lazy, so I am leaving him here. Christmas and even Easter are great kids topics.
  4. Adam and Eve. They LOVE that creation stuff. There are some really neat songs that could be worked into the sermon, if need be. You know, keep those kids involved and listening.
  5. Esther. Yeah, I know. Esther didn't have a good life, and the thing she was asked to do really could have cost her her life, but she stood up, she was strong, and she royally kicked rear.

Inappropriate Topic for Family Service (AKA: Where the parents wish they could have sent their kids out to the lobby during this portion of the sermon).

Auschwitz. Seriously. Really, what preschooler and grade schooler needs to know that the crematoriums worked 24 hours a day, and in one 24 hour period, thousands of Jews were cremated. And then, really ... the Starvation Chamber. Talking about bowels drying up and brains shriveling while the person was still alive.

When the first grader behind me says "oh Mommy ... that is GROSS!", I think a line might have been overstepped. Thankfully, my kids were too involved in the 10000 coloring books and crayons they brought with them to church, and had already ground up enough Goldfish in the carpet to keep the custodian busy, vowing to never AGAIN allow the church to hold a Family Service as long as he was sweeping the floors. Thankfully, my first grader was obliviously coloring.

And don't even ask me WHERE this fit in. It was some harrowing story about a man who offered to take another man's place in the Starvation Chamber, and yes ... there was a tie-in to Jesus.

But really, next time, Pastor: Show a Veggie Tales movie. They have a good one on Esther.

6 Comments:

Blogger Karen Rani said...

This post had me howling. WHAT were they thinking???

2:59 PM  
Blogger Knitting Maniac said...

Karen ... I have NO idea. I turned around and looked at one of my good friends behind me (the first grader's mother) and said "WHAT is he DOING?!?!?" My mother rolled her eyes, which is the Mominator's universal signal of WTH!?

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Caryn said...

Wow. Yeah, kids should learn about the Holocaust someday, but sheesh! Doesn't sound like the most appropriate topic for church.

6:28 PM  
Anonymous amber said...

thats crazy.....my kids would have freaked out....

9:32 PM  
Blogger The "Mind" said...

Um, yeah. That is a bit much. Just be glad there wasn't a movie to go with it.

11:58 AM  
Blogger Kel said...

Holy Cow! I would of been rolling my eyes right along with your friend. That's like a service gone wrong.

It should of been veggie tales all the way.

DOH!

4:25 PM  

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