Friday, June 29, 2007
and a sense of style....
Minus the hat, this is what she wore to bed. That would be THREE shirts, a pair of 12-18 month shorts, and leg warmers.
Labels: the Monkey
Timing is everything
I love it when the kids have good timing, too.
Case in point: a few months ago, the Monkey decided to entertain us with her rendition of a choir song the Kinderchoir sang during their spring program. God Wants Us To Do Right ... Do Right .... Do Right. God Wants Us To Do Right Do Right Do Right Do Right. Stupid.
That was exactly what she said. Stupid. In perfect time with the song. Timing is everything.
A few weeks ago, we were eating dinner. The Man was in his usual shoveling food in his mouth as fast as it could go mode, and the Monkey was busy picking at her food and offering the evening's entertainment. The Queen had already gotten up from the table. The Monkey was doing something monkey-ish, and I told her she needed to settle down. She kept it up. I looked at her and said "you need to STOP this instant. You look like a MONKEY!"
The Man with his head in his plate, shoveling food in at a constant rate, not looking up states matter of factly ...." and you smell like one, too." Timing is everything.
Maybe I'm raising some jokesters. Maybe not. But they are trying, and I'm proud of that.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Yesterday was .... exhausting. Just exhausting.
90+ degree weather, and I decide that the BEST time to take kids outside is at 1:30 in the afternoon. And I decide that I need to set up the slip and slide for said kids.
Then I decide that I need to cook at 4 in the afternoon. 400 degree oven and boiling corn on the cob. My poor A/C was working its butt off yesterday.
I was lying down on the couch at 7 last night. 7!!! I don't DO that. And then I had to peel myself off of said couch and go to church to practice an ensemble piece. Where only 2 of the 4 featured people showed up.... Nice. Thanks so much for getting us together there. I could have continued my reign on my throne.
And now I am just sitting here .... mind numb, body tired, coffee on desk.
Have a good one.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
On your marks ...
The Queen decided that she wanted to try out for the traveling soccer team this year.
On one hand, I hoped she would make it. On the other, I had heard of the more grueling schedule, the travel, the money, etc. and I was kind of hoping ... just kind of hoping ... she wouldn't make it.
She did. The "A" team, whatever that is supposed to mean. That probably means "you are more Away than here when you play your games."
We have a parent informational meeting in a few weeks where we get to hear exactly what is involved in this circus life.
And we received a phone call two days ago from someone, asking if the Queen would like to attend a soccer camp. For 68.75. After I had JUST spent 75 on another soccer camp.
Well sure ... I'm made of money.
And they put it to you like this: Hi! This is so and so from the soccer league. We are calling the U-9 teams to see if they can make a soccer camp where we are trying to get all the traveling teams together and get to know one another. We would love to have the Queen there, if it is at all possible. Oh... by the way ...shell out 68.75 for four days of camp for 2 1/2 hours each day.
First, who can say no to that opportunity when it is presented in such manner. Second, who can say no to someone who will take your kid for 2 1/2 hours in the morning.
And thus it all begins.
However, I will have to say ... this soccer stuff ... with having THREE kids playing it this year ... has gotten me out of traveling 2 hours, one way, to a choir kickoff event. Don't even get me started on WHY the powers that be have decided that the choir should have to take 8 hours out of a Saturday to spend time with one another when we already spend enough time with each other during the week. That is two hours to get there, FOUR hours to be there, and two hours to come home. I mean ... really.
So I just can't leave Ace to have to get three kids to three different soccer events, especially if one of them is out of town. Just wouldn't work.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Think of your most embarassing moment ....
I have had a few. We all have, haven't we? Times when we were caught saying something we shouldn't have. Times we would like to just sweep under the rug, to forget about them forever.
I had one really embarassing moment that I thought could never be topped. Until yesterday.
When I was a full 8 1/2 months pregnant with the Queen (and when I weighed considerably less than I do now), Ace and I were at my parents house. We were up to attend my 10th high school reunion (we should have saved the gas....), and my parents were out of town so we had their house to ourselves.
No. This is not about s-e-x. This is about a s-h-o-w-e-r. And with only me involved.
I knew that Ace was taking our things out to the car to head on back to Kentucky, so I got in the shower and I left the door (that swings out, not in) open because I always get hot when I take showers and am getting ready.
So full-bloom pregnant, I am standing there drying my hair. I hear someone coming up the stairs, and I thought it was Ace. It was my DAD. I stood there. He stood there. Instead of him shutting the door for me, I had to reach out into the hallway to get it.
I think we both have tried to burn the image out of our minds.
And then yesterday happened.
I was coming back to our bedroom to change out of my pants. I decided to change out of my underwear, too. And call Ace on my cell phone. So I am standing in my tshirt only ... and my MOTHER comes into my room. She needed to tell me something. I thought she had left.
Oh..... Oh. Oh. Ummmm... I just wanted to ... oh.
I am standing there trying to pull my shirt down over the important things, but I just finally give up. And all the while, Ace is sitting on the other end of the line, listening.
Now ... she said she didn't know I had my underwear off. I said I couldn't believe that because she was acting all flustered.
I keep trying to remind myself that these are the people who gave birth to me. It hasn't convinced me yet.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Most Likely To....
Most Likely To Succeed
Ok. I think that was the only Most Likely To...
Then there was Cutest Couple, Worst Driver, Class Clown, Most Athletic.... all those things that let an already self-conscious teenager worry about their popularity just a little bit more.
Our Most Likely To Succeed ended up marrying her high school loser of a sweetheart after having dropped out of college in her freshman year. They ended up as a divorce statistic, and now she is a single mom, raising their kids.
Our Cutest Couple broke up their freshman year in college (or should I say hers because he never went to college) because she was unfaithful. She ended up calling me my first year working at Cedar Point to let me know that she was pregnant with some boy's kid (the boy had JUST graduated from our high school). They also married, stayed married for a while, and they also ended up a divorce statistic. But that was AFTER they had separated and divorced due to his infidelity, and then again remarried one year after their divorce was final. Yeah. That one was meant to last....
Our Most Athletic never reached college athletic fame at all. I don't even think either of them went out for college sports.
I was (no surprise here) voted Class Clown and ... get this ... Worst Driver. Never ONCE had an accident, so I have no idea how that one was bestowed upon me. The Class Clown one ... well, that one was rightfully earned.
So I look at my kids and I have to wonder .... who will they be in school? Not that I think they will win popularity contests. I just wonder what their personalities will be.
The Queen will probably be "Most Likely To Drive Her Classmates Crazy Because She Always Has To Be Right" Or "Class Pushover" because of her Clark Kent nature.
I know the Man will be "Class Clown." Or "Most Possessive Of His Belongings."
The Monkey ... she's a total tossup. She could be "Class Suck Up" or "Heaviest Metal Rocker" or "I Can't Believe She Has That Many Body Piercings And Her Parents Haven't Thrown Her Out Yet."
It is fun to watch them grow up into these ... people. I think I have been so mired in the "WHEN will this stage EVER stop" to really step back and look at them for who they are now, and who they will potentially become.
I just hope I live through it all without losing my sanity.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Go to the bathroom now, and we'll get ice cream after we go to the store.
Do your homework, and I'll buy you a new coat.
Bring a friend to Backyard Bible Club, and we will give you TWO tickets.
Ok. Maybe not that one.
But that is what we have been faced with this week.
Every other year, our Director decides that we are going to have these "outreach" BYBC. This is when 8-10 church member families open their homes for about an hour and a half and two people come in to "witness" to these kids.
Our BYBC is WAY over my kids' heads.
But one thing they DO understand: the fun festival held on Saturday where the kids will be able to "spend" their tickets on bounce houses and water balloons and face painting.
They receive one ticket for showing up, and one ticket for saying their Bible verse. That is all fine and dandy.
But they receive TWO tickets if they bring friends.
I have a problem with this.
Why two? Why not one?
So when the Queen asked if she could bring Chicken Nugget girl, I let it slide. Then she asked again the following day. I let it slide. She asked again yesterday, and I asked her to look deep in her heart to see WHY she wanted to invite Chicken Nugget girl.
She honestly said "well, because I get two tickets for bringing her."
Really. Do we WANT to teach our kids that there is a monetary reward system for the eternal salvation of some child's soul? Bring your friends, save them from Satan, and you'll get two more chances in the bounce house.
I don't mind asking someone to Sunday school. I don't mind asking someone to church. I DO mind "paying" a kid for something that they should want to do out of the goodness of their heart.
Aren't we just teaching our kids that they should look for their own financial gain when they "help" someone out?
or maybe I am being a bitty of a mother. But I will purchase these tickets to give my kids more time in the bounce house, thanks.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Condescending phone calls
"Hello. Is the Mominator there?"
"No she isn't. May I take a message?"
"Yes. This is John. I will leave my phone number. Do you have a pen?"
That grates on my LAST nerve. Do I have a pen? I don't know. Do you? If so, could I borrow it? What if it is a pencil? Is that not good enough for you, you pencil bigot!?
"Why yes ... yes I do. Do I need it for something?"
"Well, I was going to give you my phone number."
"Really ...I'm a married woman."
"Ummmm no. No. I was going to give you my phone number so SHE can call me."
"Well, she's married, too. I'm gonna tell my Dad on you!"
"No.... no. SHE called ME!"
"Oh. I see. Probably from HER house, right? This isn't HER house. Did you know that? Are you getting that idea by now?"
"Oh. This isn't where she lives? We have this number registered."
"Registered? For what?"
"On this account."
"Oh really? Well, did you know you are in violation of the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act? I am not on any account of hers."
"Well ...she called me!"
"Ok. I'll let this one slide. I will give her the message that you called."
"Well, can you give it to her today?"
"Really John .... after this whole conversation, do you think you could treat me like I am her 37-year-old child, and not her 12-year-old child?"
I called the Mominator to let her know that John was calling her (she had called him after all ... to let them know her payment was going to be a few days late) and I told her to be prepared.
She called me back about five minutes later to let me know she talked to John, and that John seemed pretty whipped.
Score one for the 12-year-old.
Labels: the Mominator
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
And now... i can talk about it
And they discovered something.
Carly (Robin's DD) and the Queen found ....
Not a Swiss Army knife. A pocketknife of some substance.
The girls picked it up, exclaiming "LOOK AT THIS!" and Ace immediately took it from their possession, put the knife back in, and threw it in his pocket.
After the party was over, and we were sitting out on the patio enjoying the silence, I sat straight up in my chair.
"Did they find the murder weapon for that crime at the bar?" I asked Ace.
"You know ... I don't think they did. I remember reading that they were still looking for it."
"hmmm.... I wonder if we should call the police?"
Ace thought about it for a minute and said "well, I guess we should."
I called the administrative line, which ended up being someone's voice mail. I left a message, and didn't think anymore about it.
But the longer it sat in my house, the more I thought I should call a real live police officer. So I did.
"ummm... yeah. hi. This might sound crazy and all, and I'm sure it is absolutely nothing, but we found a ... well, my kids found a ... no wait, I think my husband found it ... no. Now that I remember ... oh wait. Yea. A knife was found in our gutter."
Audible gasp from the officer.
"DO YOU STILL HAVE IT? DID YOU MOVE IT? WHERE IS IT? WHERE DO YOU LIVE? WE ARE SENDING SOMEONE OVER RIGHT AWAY!!!!"
Of course, she was half pi**ed off that we moved it, let alone three people had touched it and it was in someone's pocket for the last three hours.
So ala NY:CSI style, in a manner that would have made Gary Sinise so proud of me, I picked up the generic paper napkin from my table, grabbed the knife, and threw it in my Ziploc baggie and headed outside to meet the officer.
Of course, who happened to walk by at that VERY moment when the police officer showed up? My nosey neighbor. He had to offer his two cents (we have a foster home right down the street, and the officer did say that he knew that address well), and then he moved on his way.
The officer asked us a few questions, took the knife, and that was it.
It was a juicy story... for about one day. Then they had an article in the paper where they were combing an area for a "butterfly" style knife. So our knife was out of the running.
But it certainly was .... interesting.
Labels: local news
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Lip smackin' good
Monday, June 18, 2007
My newest creation
Knit underneath (the soaker/diaper cover part) and crocheted the skirt.
Kendra ... this is the knitting that I was struggling with on Friday night. The soaker with bad karma. Luckily, the skirt portion went wonderfully.
Lucky # 13
Thirteen years. Man.
Seventeen years of dating/engagement/marriage.
Hard to believe.
Because of the number, we aren't making a big deal out of this one. Just acknowledging it and going on our way.
Kind of like how we treated the last 12 years.
But I do have to share a good one...
When we were getting ready for our rehearsal, I noticed that the lights in our downtown area were out.
And I walked into the conference center to see my mother in law, trapped in the glass elevator that looked out into the atrium with her parents inside.
I felt sorry for her parents.
Labels: wedding anniversary
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Happy Father's Day
Went to a local science museum yesterday to hear my girls whine about how it was outside, and stay outside with my boy so he could dig with the big machines. It was a good day ....
Today is another one, hopefully. No church for us as the Queen had been complaining since last night of a bellyache. She is doing better now ...I think it had EVERYthing to do with the fact that she and the Man had decided to dig up the onions in our garden and eat them. The Man didn't complain, but boy ... the Queen in all her drama. Oy!
Have a good one!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Friends are friends forever...
A good evening ... but the reason for the get together has me completely and totally sad. I promised myself that I wouldn't shed any tears tonight, but I found myself having to excuse myself a time or two from conversation because I couldn't stand thinking about the reason we were gathered there...
To say goodbye and offer our well wishes and happy prayers for our dear friend, Jacque.
Jacque is one of a kind. She is the type of person who would sooner lay down her life for anyone than inconvenience them. She has a love for children. She is a beautiful mother. She is a loving wife.
She is so diametrically physical appearance opposite of me, yet it is scary how very similar we are. We visited the same watering hole when we were in college, but we never knew one another.
She is returning to her home town. She is returning to her family, to her Kentucky roots. She never lost that accent. They will be so proud of her ;)
I have never met a person more mired in the 1980s than myself. And we can talk on the phone for an hour and not really talk about anything but we can fill the whole conversation. There is never a dull moment of silence between us.
Jacque has been a true friend. She is someone you can always rely on, and I am going to miss her terribly.
But I am excited for her family. I am excited for her friends who had to say goodbye to her when she moved up to Ohio. I am excited for her friends who are beside themselves with glee that she is returning. And I am excited for her. She is taking it all in stride, and I am sure that she is more on automatic pilot than anything.
But she is handling it all with the Southern style and grace that is so Jacque.
Jacque ... I know we will see each other again before you leave ... I won't let you go without saying goodbye. I will miss your physical presence, friend. I will miss knowing that you are just down the road a little bit. I will miss our ADHD phone conversations.
But I am so happy for you. Y'all come back now every once in a while, ya hear?
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I can't stand how stupid they are.
Yeah yeah yeah.... dog owners, chastise me if you will. Robin, I apologize. I know you have two. And I am sure they aren't dumb.
No. The DUMB dogs live right next door to me. We are on this funky block thing .... although we face one street, we are on the corner, and our block isn't deep at all. So our neighbor, whose house is for sale, is literally in our backyard.
And so are his DAMN DOGS.
When he first moved in, the smaller dog barked. Non-stop.
Which got the Great Dane to bark.
And for those of you who know some Great Danes, they don't do a lot of barking.
But this one does.
And they don't bark inside the house. No. They have to bark OUTSIDE.
At 6 AM when he lets them out.
At 11 PM when he gets ready to go to bed.
And right now. Barking at my kids.
Seriously dude. Move already.
Labels: dogs and barking
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Another Natalie Dee goodie
Not at all prepared today
Yeah. It's a good morning.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Summer Vacation Checklist
2. Mom losing her mind .... check
3. Mom finds out that a really awesome, wonderful, kind, considerate and kick-a$$ friend, who is just as mired in the 1980s as Mom, is moving away soon, probably within a month .... check
4. MIL already nagging for us to figure out a time when we can make a trip down to the backwoods of KY where there is NOTHING for my kids to do ... not even enough room to look around outside without Mom's fear that one or all of the kids will roll down the hill of he** .... check
5. Need to look into a Rx for valium for # 4 .... not done yet
6. Child who ran around all day yesterday outside on her aunt's five plus acres of land up at the crack-a$$ of dawn just to show her mother that there is a green stain on her now favorite hoochie mama white tanktop with silver sequins purchased by her nana .... check
It is going to be a LOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG summer.
Labels: summer vacation
Saturday, June 09, 2007
So many memories. So many fun times.
I will blog more about the happenings of the actual day and evening, but I just ran across from old photos....
The Monkey ...
Friday, June 08, 2007
Three... good night and good bye
So grown up
This morning, she looked like a third grader. This morning, she has gotten taller. This morning, she has grown up. This morning, she is no longer my primary school girl.
This morning, she embarked on her last walk down this sidewalk. She embarked on her last walk through the doors of her school as a student. When she returns, she will be an alumni.
Sure. She's only eight. She isn't 18.
But she's my girl. My oldest. My first. The one who I held at 4 in the morning, feeding her and watching Starman. The one who was overdue by two weeks. The one I can vividly remember giving birth to. The one who got her first tooth at 4 months old.
The overachiever. The friend of all people. The servant's heart.
The big girl.
Labels: last day of school
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Take a ride on my slide
So I thought it would be nice to have the Man draw a picture for his teacher, who is finishing her first year of teaching in her own classroom.
Now, we have been teasing the Man about having a little crush on her.
Apparently there was some truth to that crush...
This is what he drew for her:
It's a slide people... get your minds out of the gutter. I haven't been able to, and neither has Robin. But maybe you can....
Daily Docket Doozie
A woman was taken to the hospital by ambulance on Wednesday after police received a call that a deceased person had been found at a storage facility. The woman was alive but had passed out from low blood sugar.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Divas in Different Degrees
But turn that attention on her in a public setting, and I am not sure if sheer stubborness sets in, and she won't do what everyone else is doing, or she is just shy.
Today, the Monkey decided that she would sing NOTHING of her preschool program. She knew all of the words. She knew what she was doing. She just didn't want to. I got the same thing out of her for the KinderChoir performance.
Queen started off the same way. She didn't sing for her three year old program in preschool. And with her being the first kid out of the chute, I was livid. I mean ... seriously. I was livid. I couldn't understand WHY she wouldn't sing. She just stood there in front of everyone, and didn't open her mouth once. She didn't do any of the motions. Nothing.
Fast forward a few years, and she is starting to come out of her shell. She still has a shy streak, but she is taking on more and more as she gets older. I was really surprised that she wanted to try out for a part in the church presentation, and that she really enjoyed preparing and performing. So, deep down inside, I think she loves the attention.
So when the parents asked the Monkey today why she didn't feel like singing, I said "her sister... four years ago... same performance."
So I suppose there is hope for the Monkey.
But then.... she would go from this
Maybe the Monkey IS the smarter of the two.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Share a good recipe with me
Yes, Robin. I am cooking. I am making dinners. Believe it or not.
Tonight ... it was baked bow tie pasta, spaghetti sauce, and some mozz. cheese melted on top. Garlic bread. Salad.
Done. Boring. Now, I know ... it is the TIME spent at the table. But still... BORING!!!
The Queen LOVES red beans and rice. So that is dinner for tomorrow night. No problem. And I have a pizza that I will make for Wednesday night. We will be eating some leftovers throughout. I have a few casseroles that I am going to make... nothing monumental.
But blah. I don't want gourmet. I want good, easy meals. I am a good cook... yes, I am. I don't make crap.
Well .... ok ... there was that time when my sister and I took over Thanksgiving because my mother was having back problems and had had back surgery. I was responsible for the bread pudding and the spoon bread. Spoon bread ... you have to have an Act of Congress to make it come out right. It is just one of those ... things. Those things that only your Mom can do right. I think Mini Martha had set me up for immediate sabotage on that one, actually.
Hmmmm...let's give sis the spoon bread. She'll cry when it doesn't come out right and think she is a culinary failure ... but I'll feel ok because everything I make will be perfect. Yeah... that's the plan!
So I get spoon bread that burned. And I forgot to put the sugar in the bread pudding. So it was like eating wallpaper paste.
My Dad still gets a good chuckle out of that one. Just ask him...
Ok. Other than those times ... I have been pretty successful.
So.... tell me a good one. I will share some with you, but I warn you: they are BASIC. Basic, people. That's what I give, and that is what I want.
1 can creamed corn
1 can regular corn, drained
1 stick of butter ... yes... the WHOLE thing, softened
1 box corn muffin mix
8 oz sour cream
Mix it all together, bake for an hour or so on 350, and you have a yummy side dish. My kids LOVE this stuff.
I was thinking about trying the crazy family with the 17 kids hashbrown casserole ... i need to look that one up online. ok... after posting, I found their site and this is a direct link to their recipes: http://www.duggarfamily.com/recipes.html . Maybe I shouldn't call them crazy? Nah... I'll leave that in there.
So there you go. Throw some out. Robin... don't you go looking in some gourmet cookbook of yours. If it has capers or bok choy or some like ilk in it, don't post it.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
So whenever someone did something, everyone knew about it within minutes. Literally.
And if you weren't in the "in" crowd, you were a social pariah, never to really be allowed in.
When I was in the eighth grade, which was my first year at this school, there was a girl who decided, after months of being my friend, that I was public enemy # 1. I had no idea what happened. I just came to school one day, and she was telling people that she hated me, and that they should not talk to me ever again. And whenever she spoke, people listened. Because they were afraid they would get their ass whooped by this girl.
I told Ace the other day that this was the single, most-traumatizing event of my young life. I just couldn't understand why she didn't like me. I approached her and asked. Her answer: you mean, you don't know?
Of course, looking back on this now, I realize that I had done nothing; this was just one of those nasty times in the teen years where things just don't make sense, and it is the end of the world when our popularity is in jeopardy.
After a while, my friends came back around, deciding that she just didn't have things right. That I was a cool kid again. That I was worthy of conversations.
Last week, I started teaching a day class. I hadn't taught a day class since last year. I teach in the paralegal/criminal justice department, so those are the people I see on a daily basis.
I had gone over to another instructor's room to speak with her, but she wasn't there. Two of her students were, though. I didn't recognize either of them. One of them recognized me.
It was her. THE ONE! She said my name, and I looked at her with a blank stare, and said "I should know you from where?" and she told me her name.
That name. That name that made my blood run cold. That name that made me want to dash off in the opposite direction.
I said "oh yeah. Hey ... how are you?" and she said "fine but most importantly ... how are you?" I told her all was well. She said she was getting a paralegal degree and then moving on to law school. She said we should "catch up" sometime. I said ok and she left.
I just stood there. And then my conspiracy theorist reminded me: I might be HER instructor some day.
And then life seemed to make complete sense.
And it was good.
Friday, June 01, 2007
The show must go on... break a leg.... and all that jazz
This group of women take this recital seriously. They start learning their routines on the first day of class. I remember thinking how LONG it was when the Queen was on the stage the first time around. Now that we are on our fourth year, it gets longer. And longer. And loooooooongggggger.
It was especially long tonight because...
The co-director of the business ... the daughter of the owner .... fell on some straw that was being used as prop right at the beginning of rehearsal. Boom. She went down. Crack. Went her arm.
Had to call EMS and take her out on a stretcher.
Now, I think the stretcher might have been stretch ... a little dramatic. I would have scooped her butt off the floor and taken her to the hospital.
But the show went on. Literally. Instead of going to the hospital with her daughter, the mother/owner stayed. The entire night.
We were there for FOUR hours. Four, people.
Tomorrow night ... is going to be ugly.
Labels: dance recital
Daily Docket Doozie
That would be the PARENTS' porn, people. Could you imagine that conversation at their house?
I'm calling the cops!
But honey ... I can understand about the cell phone, and I don't mind you telling them about that ... but what about ... our ..... tapes?
I don't give a flip about the phone. I need my PORN back.
Labels: daily docket
I'm a mom of three peeps ... Queen Bee, The Door Man, and the Chandelier Monkey, and wife to Ace, the Helpful Hardware Man. I created this space to get away from the people known as my inlaws, and because life with three kids and a hubby is all Unexplored Territory.
Retiring the Blog